Personal Brand – Soft Skills

Nov 27, 2024

Remember the previous article ​“Take Care of Your Appearance”​ where I discussed the importance of personal appearance when building a business and a personal brand? Well, imagine entering a room and meeting a well-dressed individual who looks good. Everything is really fine until the point he opens his mouth and starts to fill the room with words — words combined in a particular order that irritates your ear and the deepest recesses of your soul. Depending on how skilful that person is, you may start asking yourself existential questions like: Why is this happening to me?

My whole point is that being an expert in a particular area and taking care of your appearance to present that on the Internet is a requirement, but it is not enough.

The Dinner

Let me give a quick example. Two weeks ago, I met a client of ours. We were sitting at a table in a well-furnished restaurant with Thai food. It’s one of those moments when you don’t talk about work and business! Yes, that’s right. It’s one of those moments when you talk about food, hobbies, experiences, what triggers your life, and so on. This is a get-to-know-you meeting, and if you don’t know how to lead it, you are lost.

Here are a few key aspects you may consider working on when it comes to your personal skills in leading such conversations.

Ask questions. Very often, in situations like the one above, people stay still and expect somebody to ask them something. You can feel the tension in the air of the room. No. You should ask the questions instead. If you have ever been at the same table with a salesperson, you will quickly realise that they ask you personal questions like:

“Tell me more about yourself, where do you live?”

“Do you travel a lot? You look like someone who travels.”

Most importantly, their questions are asked with genuine curiosity. Most probably, they are not, but they pretend very well!

Be a good listener. In general, people are not very good listeners. On the other hand, they like to talk about themselves. If you ask the person in front of you a question and let them talk, they will like you more. That’s because first, you show interest, and second, because they like to hear their voice. Now it is your turn to listen to them carefully. They may say something you are interested in, and you can ask additional questions.

Learn how to tell good stories. It would be very suspicious if you ask questions all night. That would make the other person feel like they are being interrogated. It is good to share something about yourself as well, but you must say it interestingly. People like to talk about themselves, but they also love good storytellers.

Learn to smile and laugh. It is genuinely nice to smile at people or laugh when they say something funny. It may sound like an obvious fact, but that’s also another skill that must be learned.

I am a good example of that because, for whatever reason, sometimes the expression on my face does not correlate at all with what I actually feel.

My wife has mentioned that to me many times, and I try to correct it. I may look like I am holding a crossbow and something is going to die soon, whereas, in fact, I actually feel very happy and relaxed.

Learn. If necessary, buy books or attend a course about how to lead a conversation. That’s an important skill, and do not underestimate it.

Knowledge. A month ago, I went out for dinner with a friend from Germany and the Netherlands. We visited a steakhouse to try a proper beef steak and have a nice conversation about… everything.

In such situations, you need knowledge… ideally about everything. For example, some basics about how a steak is prepared; if you drink wine — how wine is prepared, different types of wine, and so on. Just think about it for a second — if you drink wine without any basic knowledge about what you drink but just for the sake of drinking… how does this look to you? You know the answer.

Watch documentaries, read books, learn.

Body Language

The gestures of your body and the way you move are another part of the communication between two individuals. Do you know that, for example, actors practise their roles in front of a mirror in order to see their gestures and make corrections if necessary? That’s because people are watching them, and the gestures of the actor must be convincing, or certain things should not be articulated.

Let me give you a quick example and explain why this is important. Not always, but sometimes, my body language and the way my body moves are a bit faster than usual — compared to how other people move their bodies. That could give you the impression that I am nervous or uncertain about something.

In combination with the serious face I mentioned earlier, you may start feeling nervous or worried as well. I very much realise that part of me and I have to put conscious efforts, like an actor, to cheat myself. To move slowly, to smile more… or simply to have a better sleep the night before, because that helps a lot.

As you can see, these things matter. My advice is to see how you look in the mirror. Also, ask friends or members of your family how they see you. Visiting a course or a workshop would be beneficial as well.

Activities

When meeting with a new business client, that doesn’t always happen in a restaurant having a nice dinner — as I emphasised multiple times above. There are other types of activities — playing tennis, playing golf, hiking, yachting, you name it.

In fact, there are certain types of activities like I have just mentioned which wealthy people like most, and they will be their preferred choice. Doing one or more of these activities and understanding the basics can open new doors for you.

For example, playing tennis and becoming good at it. Getting a licence to drive a yacht. These skills and hobbies will either introduce you to people you are interested in, or they will recognise you more as being part of their circle when they meet you.

If you haven’t checked all the publications related to personal branding, now is the time — Personal Brand: Complete List of Publications.